Preserving the family legacy
By DeLynda DeLeon, shades Magazine contributor
Family is important to me although it’s filled with joy, as well as sadness.
Family is disappointments balanced with achievements. It’s having each other’s back although you can’t stand to be in the same room. Family is when you make a decision to stay away although you miss them. It’s love with just as much indifference.
Family is why I must chronicle the stories for my grandchildren.
With the current situation of the coronavirus pandemic and the uncertainty of what tomorrow may bring, I decided to resume my documentation of our family legacy. My wish is for my grandchildren to fully understand that our family is a tapestry of customs, traditions and various cultures. Everything that makes up our character comes from a foundation of strong, resilient, tenacious, ambitious, creative, talented, generous, kind and loving ancestors.
Capturing the stories
‘Tell me a story, Grandma D.”
I come from a large Filipino American family. My maternal grandparents immigrated from Iloilo, Philippines, to Honolulu, Hawaii, in 1917. My mother and her five siblings were born in Hawaii. There are six generations of our family; I am third generation. I, along with three other siblings, was born in Honolulu and two other siblings in Stockton, California. In 1949, when I was 3 years old, my family moved to Stockton. My lola (Tagalog for grandmother) talked my parents into leaving me with her until they were settled. However, because I was my lola’s favorite, she and my lola’s cousin, Lolo Tan, raised me until I was 8 years old. I flew to California every year to visit my immediate family, but always returned to Hawaii.
“Lolo Tan, can I have another, please?
You didn’t put enough salt on this one. Can we go now?”
“No, we have to wait for the smoke to clear.”
Sunday was the day that my Uncle Frederick would pick up Lola, Lolo Tan and me from Honolulu and drive out to the country to visit relatives. Sometimes on our trips, just before harvesting of the sugar cane, the fields were systematically burned to remove the tough outer leaves of the cane. Thick smoke would envelope the country roads for miles. In kid’s time, it was a long wait, but I didn’t mind because I got to eat my Lolo Tan’s delicious salted rice balls that he always made for our trips.
“Why are you home already?”
“They said they were full. Too many girls already.”
“How many girls didn’t get in?”
“I don’t know, a lot.”
“Don’t worry. Go do your homework.”
With that said, within one week my mother started a Camp Fire Girls troop because I couldn’t join the Brownies. This happened when I was 8 or 9 years old. I had five brothers and sisters, but my mother still made time to meet each week, plan field trips and holiday parties and organize our annual candy sale of Camp Fire Girls Thin Mints.
Appointing the historian
My Uncle Larry chose to be the family historian. He was my mother’s younger brother and the caretaker of our family’s history in every form including stories, photographs, greeting cards and documents. When he retired after teaching for 31 years, he began to assemble separate legacy books honoring each generation of our family.
He had an amazing memory, but he told everyone mine was extraordinary. My memories of growing up in Hawaii and Stockton go back as far as when I was 3. So, he appointed me to carry the tradition as the family historian.
“There always has to be one in each family and that’s you,” he first told me in my early ’30s.
When Uncle Larry passed away in March 2012, just four months after my mother, the legacy books were almost complete. Eight years later, I am committing to completing the book documenting my children’s generation.
Designing the collection
Many ask how my uncle and I collect and document six generations of life stories that will carry on to future generations.
Uncle Larry created a survey that asked the same questions of each relative such as date of birth, favorite food, name of children and birth dates, education, degrees, etc. It was then returned to him along with pictures of family events such as births, birthdays, graduations and more.
We asked relatives to write about a special memory of their special person. Being an English teacher, my uncle liked seeing personal writings. We also included interviews of various family members who preferred to not write their information or stories.
Our legacy books are stories, special memories, vital information and family photographs organized by generation:
- Volume I is dedicated to my uncle’s parents.
- Volume II celebrates his generation.
- Volume III covers my generation of 24 first cousins.
- Volume IV will cover my children’s generation.
Continuing the legacy
Sharing family stories has become a regular part of our lives.
My son listens when I share family stories. When I mentioned how we had so many burials that we need to remember where everyone is, he suggested adding in the legacy books a map marking the grave sites.
My grandson asks questions at story time, so I intertwine my family experience with what we are reading, which he likes. I’ll start with the story and he will continue it, giving me a chance to see what he is learning.
It’s my hope that my children, grandchildren and future generations continue the storytelling and documentation with the legacy books as a way to learn and appreciate their history, culture and unique personal stories that define our family.
Also read: How to ‘publish’ your own family’s history
DeLynda DeLeon is a retired Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) who has dedicated more than 53 years to empowering low-income people of color and at-risk communities. She is a listener, storyteller and mentor whose work in creating self-sufficiency and workforce development programs has been nationally recognized. In addition to her consulting work today, DeLynda spends her time on her jewelry design business.
Updated: 6/25/23
Original post date: 5/5/20